Name the work that has become invisible.
Write down the calls, errands, appointments, and planning that fill your week. A clear picture can be easier to respond to than “I’m doing everything.”
Ask for something specific.
Try: “Can you take responsibility for groceries each week?” or “Can you handle the appointment calls this month?” Agree on a task, a person, and when it will happen.
Include the help that can happen from a distance.
Someone who lives farther away may be able to handle scheduling, organize information, or make regular calls. Ask what each person can reliably take on.
Keep Mom in the conversation.
Her preferences still matter. Talk together about what she would welcome, what each person can do, and where outside help might make things easier.
Set a time to check in again.
A plan is more useful when the family revisits it. Ask what is working, what is falling through, and what needs to change.
Divide by category, not by hours.
Hours are hard to compare and easy to argue about. Categories are not: medical appointments, money and paperwork, groceries and the house, phone calls and company, arranging outside help. One name against each. It is obvious then what nobody has taken.
When one of them will not.
You can plan around a sibling who says no. Work out what the willing people can hold, and treat the rest as the gap that paid help fills. Waiting for everyone to agree usually means the person already doing the most keeps doing it.
Talk about money before it is urgent.
Who pays for what, whether anyone is losing income to be there, who is named on her accounts, and whether a power of attorney exists. These conversations are easier over a kitchen table on an ordinary Sunday than in a hospital corridor.