Keep the shape of her day.
The same wake-up, the same chair, meals at the same time. Familiar order does more for her than any reminder system, and it makes a new person easier to accept.
Introduce people slowly.
One new face, in daylight, with you there, doing something ordinary like making lunch. Say who they are and why they are here, and expect to say it again. Consistency matters more here than anywhere else in care.
Plan for the hard hours.
Late afternoon and evening are often harder. Put the calmer activities, the lower light and the familiar music there, and put appointments and errands in the morning.
Safety without taking over.
Look at the stove, the front door, the stairs and the car. Change the risk rather than the person: a kettle that switches itself off, a lock she can still use, a light that comes on by itself.
Do not correct, redirect.
Arguing with a wrong memory costs you both something. Agree with the feeling, then move to the next thing. Ask any provider how they are trained to handle that moment.
Ask how a caregiver is trained for memory loss.
Not “have they done dementia care” but what they were taught to do at the hard moment: when she asks the same question for the ninth time, when she wants to go home while she is at home, when she refuses a shower. Ask who they call when a visit goes badly.
There is a phone number for the 2am version of this.
The Alzheimer’s Association helpline is free and answers around the clock, 365 days a year, on 800.272.3900, in more than 200 languages. For local services, the Eldercare Locator on 1-800-677-1116, run by the federal Administration for Community Living, will point you to the agency on aging for her address.
Keep reading
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The questions worth asking before you agree to anything.
Getting help doesn’t mean you’re letting her down.